Arrgh! Curse you Red Barron!

Curse you Red Barron and the Fokker, Albatross or Seagull... what ever it is was that you flew!

Just when I have you in my sights, you are gone!

...

I have a dog.

Just when I (we actually) think we have this dog (puppy) thing down pat... it disappears like the Red Barron!

Danny weighs 33 pounds now and is just 4 months old. A sweat tempered Golden Retriever.... usually...

He was practicing "brat" today. Actually, only this afternoon and evening. He was great until then. I'm going to blame it on a weather front coming in and dropping snow here in coastal Oregon in March. Hard to imagine snow here, let alone in March. It was weird weather today.

Have you ever noticed that just when you figure you have something "locked down" and "fully in hand"... some idjut comes along and changes the rules! What's worse, you don't know the rules have been changed until they up and bite you.

I'd like to see what one of those "go with the flow" California New Age nut cases says when they get bit in the ass by that "rule change". (I was a Californian, although never a new age nut case so I get to speak that way)
Anger is a natural human emotion and I am sure it is a survival trait. It must be!

You should see Danny get angry. He even "mumbles" when he is told (made?) to do something he REALLY doesn't think he should have to.
If he's really worked up on a walk he will grab the leash in his teeth and decide to lead "me". That's doesn't work out for him too well.

Made me wonder... am I "grabbing the leash in my teeth and mumbling" when I am being led someplace I don't want to go? Probably so.

Patience... I must require a lot of it from the other end of that leash.

Just a random observation from a dog owner. Nothing particular in mind.

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Cesar Millan - A Real Pain!

Apologies to Cesar Millan who seems like a real nice human with some exceptional skills.

But...

Speaking as a member of the "average human" population, Cesar... you are a pain in the posterior. I have no doubt that what you say is true and your approach can work...but... it's just that you make it look so easy!

I have always though of myself as a decisive and authoritative person, a leader type even. My dog has quite a different view.

I think my conflict stems from also having 4 Tonkinese cats that are extremely loving and potty trained and pretty well clean themselves just fine thank you! The breed is often referred to as a "dog in cats fur". They really love laps and attention.
Since I'm not stupid, I have never tried to walk them on a leash. They are also totally indoor cats so the whole outdoor thing never comes up. Also, they exercise themselves quite well, again, thank you!

The shock of going from just cats to cats and a dog has been severe. You also have to factor in that the cats are always around to remind me how loving they are and how low maintenance they are. Clean the litter box daily and make sure there is a bowl of food and fresh water and then just pet them. Since they love laps, cat affection is always an opportunity.


Learning... I have a dog. The dog is not a cat. The dog is a puppy. He was "schooled" as a puppy by his mother (Tara the Terrible - owners name, not mine!) and his 6 litter mates. Any bad habits he now shows come from me and what I am doing or not doing. It still doesn't make things easier.

When falling off a roof, reminding yourself that it's going to hurt a lot, does not lessen the pain. I can speak from experience there. That last thought of "oh shit, this is going to hurt!" really doesn't change anything.

Ok Cesar, I'm learning... and you are still a pain in the patootie!

I have a dog.

A really wonderful dog that is going to make me do things that will improve my health and may even lead me to improvement in other areas. I'm evidently not the "pack leader" type I thought, or at least not communicating it very well in "dog speak".

I have a dog. This is a "good thing". (now watch Martha sue me!)

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Daylight WHAT Time?

I have a dog.

Try explaining daylight savings time to a dog. It's hard enough to explain why we do it, to a normal human. Farmers are the only sane ones. Work when you can see, stop when you can't!

Danny (said dog) seems to accept the shift in hours with grace. More than I do, I assure you. It must be the "retired" thing. I don't really have to get up at a certain hour to get to work. Work is right "here". Walk the dog. He doesn't give a rat's patootie and neither do I. Still... you do have to adapt some... the few TV shows I watch are now earlier, and later will be later... that makes sense. No wait, they're not earlier it's just... something or other...

I'm sure it's something about sunlight and airwaves and maximum efficiency of transmitters... probably. hmmm... sunspots? black helicopters?

I do note that gas prices went up just before daylight savings time... more "sun" time in the evenings to drive someplace you now can't afford to drive to.

I got a dog...

The dog doesn't care about daylight savings time and I'm not sure I really do either. The TV shows aren't that great and I usually wake up when the sun shines into the bedroom so.... hmmmm..... not caring may be seditious... I better be careful. Tinfoil hats anyone?

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It's all in the timing!

I got a dog.

Dogs let you know when they have to "go". Usually. Sort of. It's all in the timing though.

My dog whines to go out...I take him out... he pees... looks for his treat and is ready to go back in...
We're cool for the evening... wrong.
Dog again whines to go out... I take him out...he pooh's (nice way to say it)... he sits for treat and we go back in... NOW, certainly, we are cool for the evening... ah... the timing thing.
Dog again barks and whines... now I am sure he just wants play time... so I put him out in his 'run'. He pooh's and pee's again and I get to clean up. Can't be mad at the dog, he did warn me. I had "understood" the "timing" and knew that he had been out just minutes ago. "It's all in the timing" so he was just wanting play time. Wrong!

The thing about timing is that you are never really sure you got it until after you got it. More correctly, until after it had "got" you.
Tomorrow morning will tell. If we pass the night OK then HE (certainly not me) got the timing right.

I'm not totally a nice guy... I don't get mad at him but I will cheerfully wake his furry little butt up in two hours when I am ready for bed and take him out for a final "check up". I get to sleep later that way! I'm nice, not nuts.

Timing, like the actions of God are best (if not only) found in the 'rear view mirror', and pretty much impossible to determine beforehand. A 'given' when viewed in the rear view mirror.

Sure wish that timing thing worked in the forward facing view rather than the rear view. Then you could plan things rather than say "oh, oh... missed it again". Of course the down side is that sports and athletic events might be less exciting. Not that I personally don't care much about sports.... that's a lie... I actually don't care at all. I still would like to have a lock on that "timing" thing.

Think stock market! Of course, that presupposes that you are the only one that understands "timing".

My dog apparently understands "timing", but I'm getting no stock picks so far.

One funny things is that all those people who tell you "it's all in the timing" are just blowing smoke. Physical skill is one thing, hard to acquire, but quite possible for most. Knowing in advance the "timing" of something is quite another matter.

Maybe knowing the 'timing' of things, would just not be worth the price. You have to think about that one. The problem is not in the obvious, it's in all those other things that would go along with it. If you were someone who knew "the timing" of things, who would want to "talk" with you and how bad would they want that?


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Where the heck did that come from?

I got angry.

Where the heck did that come from? I thought I had laid those particular demons to rest many years ago. Oh yeah.... I remember now.

I got a dog.

My "no batteries required" exercise machine. Just add "treats" and the crazy animal will go for hours, and don't get me started about sand piles!

Evidently my dog is also my reminder of my own (and YOURS, so don't feel too smug!) human frailties. He does something wrong, not counting the pee and poop issues, but more like barking like a brat or biting me (and I admit that was puppy teeth and an accident!) and WOW... where did that come from? Anger! Directed at this (relatively- did I mention his "gas" problem?) inoffensive animal. Anger, immediately followed by shame. Psychotherapy in one almost instantaneous lesson. A hell of a lot cheaper and more effective than a shrink!

Dogs have that total love thing going so you immediately feel like a total ass for your anger. You also know that you can't explain it to the dog and he doesn't understand apologies. (treats yes, apologies no.)

Which brings you right up against that other thing... forgiveness. Unconditional.

Talk about feeling shame for that burst of anger.... WOW. There could be a big business opportunity here... Add a dog to every "shrink's" office and you might actually accomplish some therapy and you pay in doggie treats. The therapist is not that useful and would just be there for the more violent offenders to protect the dog. I figure $50 an hour would be more than generous.

Unconditional forgiveness and total love... sort of rings a bell. I'm sure I heard that somewhere before.

I don't think this would fall under "anger management"... more like "anger deprogramming".

Righteous anger... thinking of that it is pretty much impossible to think of that term being applied to a dog or it's behavior. Anything the dog did that pissed you off was probably because you either trained that behavior in or failed to train it out. So...YOU (me actually) are the one responsible. The lesson is, "don't take your own screwup out on the dog!"

I heard that news story about a soldier in Iraq throwing a puppy off a cliff. Now, I really don't trust news agencies to get things right so that is most likely a "setup" for some gullible newsie.... but if it did happen... you can bet the next body over the cliff would be screaming in English and have a boot print on his ass. That's righteous anger!

Oh yeah... I'm more hawk than dove. In case you hadn't figured that one out... and on capital punishment... no... just "indeterminate prison sentences" with no parole!... said length of sentence depending totally on how long it takes you to bring the person(s) you killed back to life. Seems fair to me!

Since that is just naturally fair... we could extend it to pedophiles and rapists... when the victim actually forgets that it ever happened, you get out of jail.

I got a dog.

I also got a whole slug of "life lessons" that seem to have come along with the dog.

Oh... and don't blame those last two opinions on the dog... those are my own views, the dog would be way too forgiving! You can trust a dog for love, just not justice.

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Gaaahhhhh!

I got a dog. (a puppy actually)

This means that I, who have two children and yet escaped the baby poop and diaper stage and potty training, am getting "paybacks" by a vengeful and spiteful God with a lousy sense of humor.

I'm doing what they call "crate training" or "kennel training". The THEORY (and there are holes in it!) is that a dog will not pee or poop where it sleeps. So... the THEORY says you keep them in a kennel just big enough for them to sleep in but not much more room than that. Now comes the great gaping hole in the THEORY. "The dog will let you know when they have to "go"". They will bark and whine. It occurs about every two hours for a puppy but you can stretch it to 5 or 6 hours at night if they sleep, but you better be there when they wake up! Minutes count!

The problem... dogs don't talk (so far) so that "bark/whine to let you know" part... well, they also bark and whine for other reasons you will rapidly discover.

Things such as:

• You have a cat on your lap!
• I want attention!
• You left me ALONE! (in the room... evidently they need to be with you at all times if they are awake and are thinking of it.)
• I saw a cat!... probably.
• It's cool!
• I want to play!

The person that first said "let sleeping dogs lay", must have been trying to potty train a puppy, and he was an optimist!

Crate training also says that after playing with the puppy for 20 minutes of active play, you better take them outside! There is absolutely NO MENTION that after a half hour "walk and sniff" with episodes of "tug of leash", "kill the Sand Demon", and dig, dig, dig when they have had LOTS of chances to pee and poop.... HA! Bring them inside and they may bark and whine at you, silly person that you are, will think they mean something other than "I gotta go!". I mean, they just spent the last half hour outside!

Gaaahhhh! (may be translated as "I got a dog")

Now the real kicker. They are pretty much like children. You can't return them when they get "inconvenient". Now... I'll be the first to admit that they don't have that extremely addictive "fresh baby" smell, but...

They are cute and have these great deep loving eyes that forgive everything and accept responsibility for everything. They're sorry you didn't let them out when they asked! It's their fault, they're sorry.

So... you're pooched! Up one side and down the other. You've "bonded" and will just have to settle back for the ride.

It isn't all that bad. Like that crazy baby dinosaur in the highchair on that old TV cartoon Dinosaurs, "I'm the baby, gotta love me!"

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Sand Demon Attack - DUCK!

I bet you never knew there were Sand Demons. I didn't either... then...

I got a dog.

I am now aware, second hand to be sure, of Sand Demons.

It's the only logical conclusion I can draw from the actions of said dog. Where ever he finds loose sand (evidently that's where they prefer to live) he attacks the sand with a ferocity that is awesome to behold.

Now understand, I still lay claim to being a sane rational human being. I just acknowledge that there might well be entities that I can't see or sense. That's not an uncommon point of view. In fact most all humanity holds that view, of one flavor or another.

I however have evidence. My dog informs me that they are there. No, he doesn't talk (see previous post about insanity!) but from his actions I can infer little else.

They only live in certain kinds of sand... fairly loose and 'clean' without much in the way of detritus. I think Danny digs down to find their larders, since he always comes up with somethng vegetable in nature. Nothing "fresh" you understand. Well buried and aged bark, small pine cones, and things I have no intention of identifying.

Those poor souls out there that don't have a Sand Demon Attack Dog are to be pitied. This San Demon thing may explain some of those disappearances that we hear about on the news. Children, being smaller, may be more susceptible to their attack. So, if you have kids, buy a dog!

I can recommend the Golden Retriever breed as they seem to be quite sensitive to Sand Demon spoor.

Ah, you scoff at this... think about how many people you know believe in things they can't prove beyond the common:

• I read...
• I heard...
• I was told...
• It must be true because...
• A lot of people believe it, so it must be true!
• I heard a voice that said...

Ok... so the last one again recalls my post on sanity... although... "A lot of people believe in... and have talked to.... so it must be true.

If you haven't got a dog, what's a person to do?

Well... this may be a strange thing to say but... have you considered "thinking"? It is almost a lost art. Go ahead, display that cognitive power you were gifted with, reason it out, apply Occam's Razor. (hint - if you have to look it up, you may need some cognitive exercises.) A good exercise is to watch commercials and separate out what they said and what they implied or suggested. It helps to sit real close to the TV so you can see the little tiny disclaimer they flash on screen. If you have TIVO, you can freeze the screen so you can read it. It's usually not on long enough to actually read.

TV commercials aren't the only place to get exercise... listen critically to most anyone trying to convince you of something. It will eventually be quite enlightening and even hilarious.

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