No Brag, Just the Facts

I have a dog.

I am a fully rational, well educated human male.

I laugh at the pitiful individuals that are anthropomorphizing their pets. I am a human, my dog is a dog. It is not a child, not related to me, does not talk.
You do not feed your dog food that is human food. Dogs eat dog food. I mean, really, we all know what they lick!

I would like those to be the facts, unfortunately they are more brag than fact.

I put my hands on the sides of his head and talk to him. When I eat cheese and crackers, he has been known to get a piece of cracker. Yep... I'm no longer fully rational.

I once prized my mental capability... that's gone now. I'm not sure when I lost it, but it's gone now. Sometime after getting my dog I suspect. I'm not even sure where it went.

The truly sad part of my sordid condition is that I am not totally embarrassed about it. Which, itself, is a further indication of my mental deterioration.

Maybe if I eat more fish it will help. Or... take up Sudoku. Maybe start writing computer code again.

I have a dog.

I am demonstrably mentally "damaged" in some strange way I can not identify.

On the plus side, I support the economy by buying useless toys for my dog and "flavored" treats (I mentioned his "taste" - the "parts" licking thing?).

I am getting educated though. I go to a training class to learn how to pronounce words like "sit, heel, down, stay"... and my personal favorite "come" (which is roundly ignored)... and other words.
I assume this is the purpose for the class, as there seems to be little correlation with my saying the words and any other action occurring or not occurring.

I am, at least, in a class of my peers as everyone seems to be getting the same random response to these particular words.

It is, sadly, no excuse for my treatment of my dog as something other than a dog. Cesar Milan forgive me. I have neither time nor inclination for a two mile run every morning with my dog, nor do I have the focused dedication to the training regimen.

Danny is quite a joy and a good companion, other that his previously mentioned "Cujo phase" in the evenings.

He is only 5 months old so much can be excused due to his "puppy" status.

I am retired so little can be excused due to my "senior" status.

In a year or so, magic will happen and he will be a calm and well mannered adult Golden Retriever... I, on the other hand, will probably still be talking to him but by then I will also be "answering" for him.

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle. Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Act V, Scene V, Tragedy of MacBeth

Good old Will probably had a dog. I bet you never realized the Will was talking about dog ownership here! It truly is a "tale told by an idiot..." and the "petty pace" definitely speaks to the training class. There are people in that class that have been taking that class many times. That fact did give me pause at first, but I soon realized my other choices were "bad" and "worse".

I have a dog. It's partly a "mental" thing.

Regards,
WebMouse