P-Troop

I have a dog.

I am a member (the ONLY member) of "P-Troop". Some of you, if you admit to it, may remember a TV show called "F-Troop" which was an military fort on the western frontier populated with misfits, clowns, and sort of a McHales Navy... oops... you probably won't remember that either....
just think seriously weird and sort of semi organized... at best.

P-Troop is the 'poop patrol' of my dog's dog run.

Hut two three four, about face, forward march (carefully!)

I have a dog. Not a "yap-yap" but a real dog. This may sound immaterial to you but as the sole member of P-Troop I assure you that there is a difference.

Pet stores have all sort of cute devices they will sell you for executing this necessary duty and they have nice names and are very often made of pretty color plastic.

Let me assure you that if you have an actual DOG, these are not for you. Not even close!

You really should have realized this might be an issue when you saw the size of the bags of dog food for dogs like the one you own.

I must admit that I was one of those optimistic fools and bought a "Doggy Dooly" in green and a neat "Poopy Scoopy" that was sort of like a double articulated scissor like thing (made of plastic) which was totally useless other than as a chew toy for Danny. The Doggy Dooly was supposed to be a sort of (relatively) small septic system for the "patrol product". Yeah.... like that was going to work. For a yap yap maybe.

I have a DOG.

If you have a DOG you go into the hardware section and get a shovel. Not a "garden spade", but a REAL shovel. As tall as you are! Then buy a garden hoe, again, full size. I recommend the flat blade over the bent style but.... that a style issue.

You then march (carefully!) around the yard and examine the ground for "items". Place the shovel on the ground with the tip next to the material and the other end held under your arm. With the other arm, manipulate the hoe such that the "items" are moved onto the shovel.

When the shovel gets heavy (no, you are not done! the 'patrol' is perpetual!) comes the fun part... If you were wise enough to buy a house out in the forest and looking over a steep hill like mine, you take the shovel with one hand on the very end and one about mid way on the handle. You then make like a catapult and fling that load way down the hill. Nature and rain will take care of the problem.

If you live in the "burbs" with houses on each side... hate to tell you but.... you are screwed.

Remember the size of that bag of dog food? Think about it!

I personally guarantee you that just when you think your tour of duty is over for the day, your dog will grin at you and squat. I have a dog. I know. If you ever doubt your dog has a sense of humor, doubt no longer. Dogs have a particularly nasty sense of humor.

Dogs love unconditionally, but.... they have a really nasty sense of humor. Believe me on this and learn to live with it. The love outweighs the dark side.

Oh yeah, and don't waste money on cutsey devices to make this particular job easier and neater. It isn't and won't be. Get over it!


Hut, two, three, four
Let the dog out the door
Four, three, two, one
He'll come back when he is done

P-Troop is my Duty Call
Rain or shine I give my all
My big dog is my friend for sure
I'm just not happy with all the manure.

Hut, two, three, four.
Let the dog back in the door.
P-Troop stand straight and tall.
You're not done, no not at all!

I have a dog. A BIG DOG.

Regards,
WebMouse