You don't absolutely have to be insane to...

It is not absolutely required that you be insane to own a dog. I looked for references on that and apparently it has never actually become a law anywhere. You CAN be whipped and imprisoned in Iran for walking one in public so progress(?) is being made in some places.

It does however seem to work out that you start behaving in ways that most would term insane. If they are being polite, they will call it "cute" or "strange" if they are less polite.

People do talk to themselves... ok...that's not particularly normal but you only get weird looks, or maybe if you are dressed in your grubbies, someone will hand you some money. There is an up side!

If you talk to an animal as though that animal actually understands you, you my friend, have crossed that thin line. You're nuts.

I have a dog.

I'm nuts.

OK... once you get over the initial realization that you are taking to something with an IQ slightly lower than a pig (unless you are actually talking to your pig) and that there is not a chance in hell that you are going to get an answer, you can begin to get on with the whole situation. (if your pet does speak to you, get help....FAST!)

Think of this "conversing with your pet" as a form of self help therapy. Granted your therapist in this situation is not licensed... (dog licenses do not count)... but... how many people have your ever heard say "well, you just need to talk it out". Have you ever hear them specify who (or what) you are supposed to "talk it out" with? See... you have approval for your behavior. Ok.... implicit approval at the very best, but approval at least in concept.

It helps a lot if you just talk and don't appear to be waiting for an answer. This is called sane... more or less. If you wait for an answer or worse yet, supply that answer in a voice pitched differently from your own... again... you should really get help. soon! You are "functional" but really a whack job and seriously need help. If your pet is a goldfish... run, do not walk, to the your therapist. If you don't have one... consult the yellow pages. Do not delay. You are two steps past "whack job". If your "pet" is invisible... I don't want to know you, I will doubtless read about you soon anyway.

I got a dog...

I can talk to my dog and call it therapy. I don't answer for him so I don't need to pay for more therapy. I am technically sane. If you find yourself in this condition, congratulations. Whatever you do though, don't let yourself be "tested" for sanity... that would probably be a really bad idea. An idea which I have no intention of testing. If you feel so inclined, talk it over with your pet first.

Insanity... in the eye of the beholder. If someone "beholds" you talking to your dog and answering... well... as politely put as I feel like being at this moment... you are not normal... not even really close. I don't care how high you pitch your voice and how cute you or the pet are. You should get help. You might consider a dog (ROFL).

Dogs make good therapy animals. Unlike goldfish or cats, they will stare at you while you talk as though they were listening and understanding every word. They are just waiting for a treat, but the effect is very good and doubtlessly helps with your "self help therapy" program... oh yes, refer to it as a "program" and it sounds better.

You might even toss off the phrase "I read a report somewhere that dogs make good self help therapy animals". That give you a suggestion of intelligence. You lost a lot of that when you were seen talking to a dog, so every little bit you get back helps.

Excuse me, I need to consult with my dog.

WebMouse