... the ones the rain leaves!!!!! NOT the other kind!
I have a dog.
When he was a smaller puppy he loved water puddles and would "snorkel" them and rear up and splash down with both his front paws together to see (I am imagining...) how big a splash he could make.
During that time of his life he frequently resembled a ball of mud. A big furry ball of mud, to be sure, but a muddy one none the less.
Now he's a BIG puppy (1yr 1mo+). He seems to have developed a degree of decorum. Not a big degree to be sure, but some. He now walks AROUND puddles, disdaining to get his beautiful coat dirty.
Decorum wise... that's pretty much it. He still sleeps belly up and all and sundry exposed to view. Evidently decorum and modesty are different.
I recently took him on a 2 mile walk and he behaved with decorum and manners. The perfect picture of a well behaved dog. When I stopped mid hike for a rest he sat right by my knee and enjoyed the breeze and view with me. We were VERY dignified looking. All I lacked was a pipe to smoke, if I smoked, which I don't. Danny was perfect. A veritable TV commercial for the quintessential Golden Retriever. Head up, breeze lightly ruffling his fur. Magnificent. I could have held the pipe in my mouth and pretended to smoke!
When we got back to our house and I took him into the back yard and released his leash he promptly ran like a mad thing around and around the back yard doing high speed laps, just to let me know (I think) that HE at least still had plenty of energy. I did note that he very quickly came up on the back porch and sat down next to me and panted. That might have just all been for show.
It worked.... he showed me. Next time I will run him around BEFORE I take him on a long hike and see how much he wants to show off after that! We'll see whose butt comes dragging home then! (other than mine)
I'll have to go find a pipe and some bubble soap so that next time I can look cool too.
Regards,
WebMouse
Monday, February 16, 2009
An alternative view
I have a dog...actually my husband does.
I put the adorable little puppy into his arms a year ago...yes, on Valentine's day.
Wasn't that a cute idea?
After he clearly spoke the words "I don't want a dog!" I smiled and said to him, "this one or that one?" one of them is going home with us.
The rest is history, to be written. Perhaps some of it will be from my point of view.
Regards,
TheMouseMissus
I put the adorable little puppy into his arms a year ago...yes, on Valentine's day.
Wasn't that a cute idea?
After he clearly spoke the words "I don't want a dog!" I smiled and said to him, "this one or that one?" one of them is going home with us.
The rest is history, to be written. Perhaps some of it will be from my point of view.
Regards,
TheMouseMissus
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The "Leash".
I have a dog. A big dog.
He is very smart and also well (well, almost well) trained.
He will Heel, Sit, Say, Down, Back, Catch and play games with you.
My only question is, for a dog being so smart, how the hell does he manage to tangle himself in his leash and not be able to get out of it?
I can put peanut butter in a hollow toy and he has it slicked clean in minutes and brings the toy back very politely and seems to be asking "may I have some more please?".
He will also take one single step with a front paw over a leash and not be able to figure out what happened or how to get out of it. The most he seems able to do is make it worse.
He can count and knows how many treats you have in your pocket since he watched you put them there. He still can't step back over the leash. Something is obviously wrong here. The worse part is that he looks at me all offended and seems to think it is my fault. He then waits patiently for me to reach down and lift his paw over the leash. Sort of with a "you broke it, you fix it!" attitude. Patient, but not accepting of ANY responsibility.
I have a dog.
He is loving and smart and can do many things.
He can not, it seems, step back over a leash once he has stepped over it. Maybe it's a property thing. Step over the leash and you own it. I really don't get it but then, I'm not a dog, just the servant of one. All that "pack leader" and "alpha male" crap on TV is just advertising. Look at the credits and you will probably find it was written by a cat. Can't trust cats.
Just try putting a cat on a leash. I strongly suggest a helmet with face guard, thick leather jacket, leather work gloves, and fresh (strong) Levi's.
I love cats. I just know what they think of leash's.
Regards,
WebMouse
He is very smart and also well (well, almost well) trained.
He will Heel, Sit, Say, Down, Back, Catch and play games with you.
My only question is, for a dog being so smart, how the hell does he manage to tangle himself in his leash and not be able to get out of it?
I can put peanut butter in a hollow toy and he has it slicked clean in minutes and brings the toy back very politely and seems to be asking "may I have some more please?".
He will also take one single step with a front paw over a leash and not be able to figure out what happened or how to get out of it. The most he seems able to do is make it worse.
He can count and knows how many treats you have in your pocket since he watched you put them there. He still can't step back over the leash. Something is obviously wrong here. The worse part is that he looks at me all offended and seems to think it is my fault. He then waits patiently for me to reach down and lift his paw over the leash. Sort of with a "you broke it, you fix it!" attitude. Patient, but not accepting of ANY responsibility.
I have a dog.
He is loving and smart and can do many things.
He can not, it seems, step back over a leash once he has stepped over it. Maybe it's a property thing. Step over the leash and you own it. I really don't get it but then, I'm not a dog, just the servant of one. All that "pack leader" and "alpha male" crap on TV is just advertising. Look at the credits and you will probably find it was written by a cat. Can't trust cats.
Just try putting a cat on a leash. I strongly suggest a helmet with face guard, thick leather jacket, leather work gloves, and fresh (strong) Levi's.
I love cats. I just know what they think of leash's.
Regards,
WebMouse
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
P-Troop
I have a dog.
I am a member (the ONLY member) of "P-Troop". Some of you, if you admit to it, may remember a TV show called "F-Troop" which was an military fort on the western frontier populated with misfits, clowns, and sort of a McHales Navy... oops... you probably won't remember that either....
just think seriously weird and sort of semi organized... at best.
P-Troop is the 'poop patrol' of my dog's dog run.
Hut two three four, about face, forward march (carefully!)
I have a dog. Not a "yap-yap" but a real dog. This may sound immaterial to you but as the sole member of P-Troop I assure you that there is a difference.
Pet stores have all sort of cute devices they will sell you for executing this necessary duty and they have nice names and are very often made of pretty color plastic.
Let me assure you that if you have an actual DOG, these are not for you. Not even close!
You really should have realized this might be an issue when you saw the size of the bags of dog food for dogs like the one you own.
I must admit that I was one of those optimistic fools and bought a "Doggy Dooly" in green and a neat "Poopy Scoopy" that was sort of like a double articulated scissor like thing (made of plastic) which was totally useless other than as a chew toy for Danny. The Doggy Dooly was supposed to be a sort of (relatively) small septic system for the "patrol product". Yeah.... like that was going to work. For a yap yap maybe.
I have a DOG.
If you have a DOG you go into the hardware section and get a shovel. Not a "garden spade", but a REAL shovel. As tall as you are! Then buy a garden hoe, again, full size. I recommend the flat blade over the bent style but.... that a style issue.
You then march (carefully!) around the yard and examine the ground for "items". Place the shovel on the ground with the tip next to the material and the other end held under your arm. With the other arm, manipulate the hoe such that the "items" are moved onto the shovel.
When the shovel gets heavy (no, you are not done! the 'patrol' is perpetual!) comes the fun part... If you were wise enough to buy a house out in the forest and looking over a steep hill like mine, you take the shovel with one hand on the very end and one about mid way on the handle. You then make like a catapult and fling that load way down the hill. Nature and rain will take care of the problem.
If you live in the "burbs" with houses on each side... hate to tell you but.... you are screwed.
Remember the size of that bag of dog food? Think about it!
I personally guarantee you that just when you think your tour of duty is over for the day, your dog will grin at you and squat. I have a dog. I know. If you ever doubt your dog has a sense of humor, doubt no longer. Dogs have a particularly nasty sense of humor.
Dogs love unconditionally, but.... they have a really nasty sense of humor. Believe me on this and learn to live with it. The love outweighs the dark side.
Oh yeah, and don't waste money on cutsey devices to make this particular job easier and neater. It isn't and won't be. Get over it!
Hut, two, three, four
Let the dog out the door
Four, three, two, one
He'll come back when he is done
P-Troop is my Duty Call
Rain or shine I give my all
My big dog is my friend for sure
I'm just not happy with all the manure.
Hut, two, three, four.
Let the dog back in the door.
P-Troop stand straight and tall.
You're not done, no not at all!
I have a dog. A BIG DOG.
Regards,
WebMouse
I am a member (the ONLY member) of "P-Troop". Some of you, if you admit to it, may remember a TV show called "F-Troop" which was an military fort on the western frontier populated with misfits, clowns, and sort of a McHales Navy... oops... you probably won't remember that either....
just think seriously weird and sort of semi organized... at best.
P-Troop is the 'poop patrol' of my dog's dog run.
Hut two three four, about face, forward march (carefully!)
I have a dog. Not a "yap-yap" but a real dog. This may sound immaterial to you but as the sole member of P-Troop I assure you that there is a difference.
Pet stores have all sort of cute devices they will sell you for executing this necessary duty and they have nice names and are very often made of pretty color plastic.
Let me assure you that if you have an actual DOG, these are not for you. Not even close!
You really should have realized this might be an issue when you saw the size of the bags of dog food for dogs like the one you own.
I must admit that I was one of those optimistic fools and bought a "Doggy Dooly" in green and a neat "Poopy Scoopy" that was sort of like a double articulated scissor like thing (made of plastic) which was totally useless other than as a chew toy for Danny. The Doggy Dooly was supposed to be a sort of (relatively) small septic system for the "patrol product". Yeah.... like that was going to work. For a yap yap maybe.
I have a DOG.
If you have a DOG you go into the hardware section and get a shovel. Not a "garden spade", but a REAL shovel. As tall as you are! Then buy a garden hoe, again, full size. I recommend the flat blade over the bent style but.... that a style issue.
You then march (carefully!) around the yard and examine the ground for "items". Place the shovel on the ground with the tip next to the material and the other end held under your arm. With the other arm, manipulate the hoe such that the "items" are moved onto the shovel.
When the shovel gets heavy (no, you are not done! the 'patrol' is perpetual!) comes the fun part... If you were wise enough to buy a house out in the forest and looking over a steep hill like mine, you take the shovel with one hand on the very end and one about mid way on the handle. You then make like a catapult and fling that load way down the hill. Nature and rain will take care of the problem.
If you live in the "burbs" with houses on each side... hate to tell you but.... you are screwed.
Remember the size of that bag of dog food? Think about it!
I personally guarantee you that just when you think your tour of duty is over for the day, your dog will grin at you and squat. I have a dog. I know. If you ever doubt your dog has a sense of humor, doubt no longer. Dogs have a particularly nasty sense of humor.
Dogs love unconditionally, but.... they have a really nasty sense of humor. Believe me on this and learn to live with it. The love outweighs the dark side.
Oh yeah, and don't waste money on cutsey devices to make this particular job easier and neater. It isn't and won't be. Get over it!
Hut, two, three, four
Let the dog out the door
Four, three, two, one
He'll come back when he is done
P-Troop is my Duty Call
Rain or shine I give my all
My big dog is my friend for sure
I'm just not happy with all the manure.
Hut, two, three, four.
Let the dog back in the door.
P-Troop stand straight and tall.
You're not done, no not at all!
I have a dog. A BIG DOG.
Regards,
WebMouse
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Ouch!
"Today I got in touch with the earth...well a puddle of mud and gravel to be precise...and I didn't just touch it, I was forced through it as Danny lunged forward full force because he wanted to meet...or something...the neighbor dog who was at least 50 yards away. I now know first hand, second hand, right side from shoulder to shoe how to fly through a puddle. This is something I never really wanted to learn. I think Danny was rather surprised by his strength, stopped barking and sort of looked at muddy, horizontal me with look that said "OOOoops sorry!" This was quickly followed by, "Wow, cool, I am soooo strong!" and then, "Oh darn, I bet our walk is now over". And it was! However the aches and scratches will last awhile longer."
Regards,
The WebMouse's dog walking daughter
Regards,
The WebMouse's dog walking daughter
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Vile Accusation
I have a dog.
My dog had my billfold in his mouth.
I didn't give it to him.
That does NOT make him a pickpocket.
I am (almost) sure that it fell out of my pocket while I was sitting in my chair. Such things do happen.
He's not, after all, like that "Baked Beans commercial" dog that is always trying to sell the secret family recipe for his owners (Bush's Baked Beans) beans. That dog is an opportunist and not trustworthy.
The fact that my billfold is made of leather, which he sort of likes to chew on, and doubtless smells of me, whom he loves dearly, should not enter the picture.
He wasn't, after all, eating the billfold and had not touched the credit cards. He was "closely examining" a couple receipts I had stuffed in the wallet. Doubtlessly looking for errors that he might bring to my attention. He looks out for me.
I recovered most of the receipt he was tasting and it was of no importance. The billfold had no major tooth marks that I could see, and the slight marks it did get just lend it more of an "experienced" look.
He was happy to trade back the wallet for a dog treat, although I'm sure he would have returned it anyway... probably... eventually... I think.
Given the low probability of him being able to slip my wallet out of my pocket with teeth and paws I'm mostly sure he didn't do it and it was all my fault. I mean... It's just not very believable. Pretty much, anyway.
Did I mention he loves me?
I have a dog.
I have a billfold with tooth marks.
Circumstantial, at best.
Regards,
WebMouse
My dog had my billfold in his mouth.
I didn't give it to him.
That does NOT make him a pickpocket.
I am (almost) sure that it fell out of my pocket while I was sitting in my chair. Such things do happen.
He's not, after all, like that "Baked Beans commercial" dog that is always trying to sell the secret family recipe for his owners (Bush's Baked Beans) beans. That dog is an opportunist and not trustworthy.
The fact that my billfold is made of leather, which he sort of likes to chew on, and doubtless smells of me, whom he loves dearly, should not enter the picture.
He wasn't, after all, eating the billfold and had not touched the credit cards. He was "closely examining" a couple receipts I had stuffed in the wallet. Doubtlessly looking for errors that he might bring to my attention. He looks out for me.
I recovered most of the receipt he was tasting and it was of no importance. The billfold had no major tooth marks that I could see, and the slight marks it did get just lend it more of an "experienced" look.
He was happy to trade back the wallet for a dog treat, although I'm sure he would have returned it anyway... probably... eventually... I think.
Given the low probability of him being able to slip my wallet out of my pocket with teeth and paws I'm mostly sure he didn't do it and it was all my fault. I mean... It's just not very believable. Pretty much, anyway.
Did I mention he loves me?
I have a dog.
I have a billfold with tooth marks.
Circumstantial, at best.
Regards,
WebMouse
Thursday, January 8, 2009
A lesson and an issue
I am a good looking, friendly, highly intelligent, sophisticated, inventive and generally all around wonderful person. Fully worthy of respect if not outright awe.
I have a dog.
God has a sense of humor. That is a very fortunate thing.
The dog makes sure I know that I am loved but the rest of that stuff is... well... what I shovel (he is a BIG dog) up in the back yard every day.
A dog will love you pretty much no matter how big of a jerk you are. He may laugh his furry ass off at your attempts to impress him but in the end he will come and lick your face and lay on your feet. Love is a clean (from a dog's viewpoint) face and warm feet. I don't know that I can really disagree. A warm dog does a lot to ease lots of things. You just sit there and pet the dog and your mind zones out and the problems just aren't there. Warm feet or warm lap... it's all good.
Supposedly, according to the dog training lady, if a dog licks your chin that is a mark of respect.
I have a dog.
I have a beard.
Crumbs happen.
Personally, I think the dog is just looking for a treat. Ok with me.
The issue... ah yes... did you ever note that dogs don't have nose hairs. Men get them. Not enough to wax out into a miniature handlebar nose-stash, just enough to be ugly. We also very often lose hair at the same time on the top of our head.
Now... what genetic decision was made that said dogs get to keep a full head of hair and don't have nose hair but men do?
This should be looked into when genetic sequencing get's easy to do. I mean... really... what is the point? We won't even go into the ear hair thing.
There are at least a couple genes in the human genome that could stand some "adjustment".
Actually, speaking from my business travel days, there is an entire pool of genes, generally located below the Mason-Dixon line that really could use some "adjustment". Here I'm thinking a "Darwin Award" level of adjustment.
I keep hearing that God doesn't make mistakes... however... I definitely plan to ask about the nose hair issue. I mean, really... what was the idea there?
I am a more humble person than before, just not due to any lengthy introspection or intelligent self assessment.
I have a dog.
My dog loves me. I'm doing just fine with his opinion, thank you very much.
Regards,
WebMouse
I have a dog.
God has a sense of humor. That is a very fortunate thing.
The dog makes sure I know that I am loved but the rest of that stuff is... well... what I shovel (he is a BIG dog) up in the back yard every day.
A dog will love you pretty much no matter how big of a jerk you are. He may laugh his furry ass off at your attempts to impress him but in the end he will come and lick your face and lay on your feet. Love is a clean (from a dog's viewpoint) face and warm feet. I don't know that I can really disagree. A warm dog does a lot to ease lots of things. You just sit there and pet the dog and your mind zones out and the problems just aren't there. Warm feet or warm lap... it's all good.
Supposedly, according to the dog training lady, if a dog licks your chin that is a mark of respect.
I have a dog.
I have a beard.
Crumbs happen.
Personally, I think the dog is just looking for a treat. Ok with me.
The issue... ah yes... did you ever note that dogs don't have nose hairs. Men get them. Not enough to wax out into a miniature handlebar nose-stash, just enough to be ugly. We also very often lose hair at the same time on the top of our head.
Now... what genetic decision was made that said dogs get to keep a full head of hair and don't have nose hair but men do?
This should be looked into when genetic sequencing get's easy to do. I mean... really... what is the point? We won't even go into the ear hair thing.
There are at least a couple genes in the human genome that could stand some "adjustment".
Actually, speaking from my business travel days, there is an entire pool of genes, generally located below the Mason-Dixon line that really could use some "adjustment". Here I'm thinking a "Darwin Award" level of adjustment.
I keep hearing that God doesn't make mistakes... however... I definitely plan to ask about the nose hair issue. I mean, really... what was the idea there?
I am a more humble person than before, just not due to any lengthy introspection or intelligent self assessment.
I have a dog.
My dog loves me. I'm doing just fine with his opinion, thank you very much.
Regards,
WebMouse
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)