Gaaahhhhh!

I got a dog. (a puppy actually)

This means that I, who have two children and yet escaped the baby poop and diaper stage and potty training, am getting "paybacks" by a vengeful and spiteful God with a lousy sense of humor.

I'm doing what they call "crate training" or "kennel training". The THEORY (and there are holes in it!) is that a dog will not pee or poop where it sleeps. So... the THEORY says you keep them in a kennel just big enough for them to sleep in but not much more room than that. Now comes the great gaping hole in the THEORY. "The dog will let you know when they have to "go"". They will bark and whine. It occurs about every two hours for a puppy but you can stretch it to 5 or 6 hours at night if they sleep, but you better be there when they wake up! Minutes count!

The problem... dogs don't talk (so far) so that "bark/whine to let you know" part... well, they also bark and whine for other reasons you will rapidly discover.

Things such as:

• You have a cat on your lap!
• I want attention!
• You left me ALONE! (in the room... evidently they need to be with you at all times if they are awake and are thinking of it.)
• I saw a cat!... probably.
• It's cool!
• I want to play!

The person that first said "let sleeping dogs lay", must have been trying to potty train a puppy, and he was an optimist!

Crate training also says that after playing with the puppy for 20 minutes of active play, you better take them outside! There is absolutely NO MENTION that after a half hour "walk and sniff" with episodes of "tug of leash", "kill the Sand Demon", and dig, dig, dig when they have had LOTS of chances to pee and poop.... HA! Bring them inside and they may bark and whine at you, silly person that you are, will think they mean something other than "I gotta go!". I mean, they just spent the last half hour outside!

Gaaahhhh! (may be translated as "I got a dog")

Now the real kicker. They are pretty much like children. You can't return them when they get "inconvenient". Now... I'll be the first to admit that they don't have that extremely addictive "fresh baby" smell, but...

They are cute and have these great deep loving eyes that forgive everything and accept responsibility for everything. They're sorry you didn't let them out when they asked! It's their fault, they're sorry.

So... you're pooched! Up one side and down the other. You've "bonded" and will just have to settle back for the ride.

It isn't all that bad. Like that crazy baby dinosaur in the highchair on that old TV cartoon Dinosaurs, "I'm the baby, gotta love me!"

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