Maximum Fear, Comic Relief

Fear and Laughter often are not such separated emotions as we might think. You can shift from one to another very quickly. Yesterday I felt fear and it turned into laughter in just a moment. Laughter is often a release from fear. It reportedly is also healing.

I have a dog.

Yesterday my wife yelled from the back porch door "Oh my God!". Now, that is a sort of ambiguous phrase, it can be either good or bad. It depends on the context. The context was my wife went out to get the dog. I was up out of my chair and across the room before she could get the words out "nothing is wrong!".

Now, I don't know about you but when I hear "Oh my God!" and "nothing is wrong" in almost one breath.... I sort of get curious.

I was certain upon hear the first phrase I was going to find a seriously hurt dog and really panicking. Why do we assume the worst? I think it's probably a genetic thing from way early times. If you hear something behind you growl, it's probably better to be running before the last "rrrrr" sounds. You can always check to see what it was later from the safety of a tree top.

By the time I hear the second phrase I was looking at what she was seeing and I was already moving into the laughter stage.

I have a dog. That dog was outside in the rain in a yard that he had been digging in and when she looked at him he had his head buried ear deep in a mud hole that he was digging. It was instant transformation from Golden Retriever into really dirt brown soggy wet but very happy and proud puppy!

My wife managed to get out "but, but... he was just laying there in the grass under the swing a few minutes ago when I checked... he was clean!

I have a dog.

I have a wife that is learning ALL about dogs.

I am getting very good at dog washing! There was this great dark brown and wet beast looking in the window of the back door. It had a really big grin on it's face too!

Danny (aforementioned dog) really loves water. I guess I should add digging also and mud is no object. Anyway... dog baths are becoming quite routine and are just a matter of the garden hose and lots of towel drying, and... he really loves getting dried by towels. I think he considers it a spa massage. He just lays there on his back with his eyes mostly closed and seems very content.

I am looking for some sort of miniature (relatively so) automated dog washing machine. It needs to be big enough to handle a full size Golden Retriever, run on 110 VAC, and wash and dry the dog. Blow dry would probably work but a rotating towel brush like the brushes in car washes might be good also.
The idea is "dirty wet dog" goes in one end and "clean dry dog" comes out the other. Oh... the dog should come out happy also. A clean dry and really mad dog would not be a good thing. Trust me on this!

It's not as if I was silly enough to want a machine that washes a cat and leaves it happy. Compared to that, a dog washing machine should be simple. I don't care if it is eco friendly and recycles the water or not. Clean, dry, happy dog... that's it.

If anyone knows of such a machine, please let me know.

It shouldn't be coin operated as the dog doesn't have pockets. Some sort of sensor to turn it on would be best.

Regards,
WebMouse